Daughter Of Jerusalem
by lindam2254
Summary: The battles for the dominion over Holy Land ravage at East ceaseless. Saladin has managed to keep the Holy City for five victorious years. But far away in a small French village, his daughter is fighting her own battles. Not anticipating that her input in the Holy War is yet to be unveiled, Sofia's royal blood sought by a past acquaintance to stabilize the prevailing new reign.
1. Prologue: Time Is Made Of Gold

_**A/N:**_

 _ **Here's the prologue of the sequel! The writing might not be usual me, but I had to try to keep it minimum. I understand if the current length is still too much to some readers, but this prologue covers about 5 years of Sofia and Balian's life together. So to include all the aspects I wanted, this couldn't be a normal short prologue ;)**_

 _ **Enjoy!**_

* * *

He pounded away the metal, which started to remind of a flat form of a sword with each hit of the hammer, taking its ideal shape in the hands which along the years had learnt to conjure anything from even the smallest clump of metal. And by time when he'd once again caught up with secure, ordinary days in life and found them to pass peacefully, he'd realized to enjoy his work. Understanding that he was in fact very good at it, and wished to do nothing else than use his abilities to create wonderful objects and wares for his own family and other villagers, ultimately taking greatest pleasure from the rewards of his efforts. Which mostly was a simple sense of satisfaction due to the thought that he could actually take his abilities and turn them into something everyone could benefit. That he could actually do something with his life. But not only his profession fulfilled his existence, but there had come to be much more he treasured in his life.

Balian smiled to his three year old son who desperately tried to give him a hand, striving to lift the hammer he'd momentarily laid down to gaze outside at the blue afternoon sky. He couldn't help but laugh at the young boy's enthusiasm, in the end only taking the heavy tool away from the child.

"I want to help!"

"Not until you're a few years older", Balian replied patiently, ruffling the boy's dark hair as saw him pout. Damien was very much like Kalilah at that age, and the similarities between the brother and sister gave Balian great amusement every time. He swung the hammer down a couple of times more, then submerging the sword into cold water, a sizzling sound filling the air.

"Where's your sister? You were supposed to help your mother to make dinner", Balian asked, giving Damien inquiring look, until narrowed his eyes. "Or did you do something to anger her? Is that why you're here?"

"It was Kalilah's idea, not mine", Damien complained, looking down, until made another pout. "Mommy got angry because we chased the chickens instead of getting the eggs..."

It was hard to Balian to remain serious as the whole idea amused him, him however keeping his delivery that of a responsible parent's, pulling out the sword and eyed at it after looking at his son. "You know what you mother has said about chasing the chickens. Even if it was Kalilah who started it, you should do as mother says and leave them alone."

"But Kalilah said it would be fun", Damien whined, then smiling, his eyes shining for excitement. "And Darcy was with us too! He chased them all the way around the yard and made us laugh! He's a funny dog, daddy!"

Balian sighed, shaking his head. "That dog..."

He wiped his hands to a rag hanging from his apron, then scooping up the three year old and gave him a strict gaze. Smiling in the end when Damien looked very guilty, realizing what he'd done wrong. "Well next time do as you're told, and don't take part in your big sister's shenanigans."

"Yes daddy."

Balian's smile widened, him then looking toward the house. "Go on. You should get those eggs."

"I don't have to. Mommy already got them and told me to come here to daddy!"

Balian's eyebrows rose. As he'd figured, she'd sent Damien to him to get him out of the way. He sighed again, putting his son back down. But as he was about to speak, a voice interrupted him. A familiar, beloved voice of another person who made his life worth living shouting down at the yard in Arabic. Its impatient tone and scolding words causing the corners of Balian's lips turn up as he then walked at the edge of his smithy. Gazing down at the woman standing under the apple tree which had grown out of that young sprout he'd found after returning from the Holy Land. His wife had never told him what she'd planted into the ground.

"Kalilah! Stop playing around and help!" Sofia exclaimed, directing a frustrated gaze at her daughter who was running about with the family Spaniel instead of doing what she'd been told. Sofia releasing a sigh as placed a hand under her swollen stomach for support. "These fruits won't collect themselves. And if you want your share of the pie you'd better stop your rampage and be of use."

Balian leant against the rafter above his head as heard Kalilah's always cheerful voice answer, the girl running over the grass filled yard and was by her mother's side. Starting to pluck the ripe apples into her own basket from the lower branches, which were so heavy by the weight of the fruits that it made it easy for the child to participate. Balian was all smile when he followed Sofia to make a headshake at their daughter, until then continued to fill her own basket. After a couple of minutes of plucking then tiring out, releasing a heavy sigh and wiped her forehead.

The sun was out high, and it was very hot. Balian feared her to exhaust herself by the vigor Sofia put into such chores she was left to take care of when Balian spent his days working at his shop. He told himself to keep an eye on Sofia to make sure she wouldn't wear herself out in her condition. As Sofia sure wasn't the type of woman to let things such as pregnancy to keep her from working the fullest, which Balian realized with half amused and half frustrated sigh. Making a headshake in turn, then seeing how Sofia straightened again to place her hands on her back. Closing her eyes for a small moment, until they turned to look up. Smile rising to her lips as well as she met Balian's gaze, them exchanging a long, and as was expected a loving look with one another. Yes. They still loved each other beyond measure, if not more.

When Balian thought about the years they'd spent together, he understood that even he'd been married before, back then he hadn't known the true face of love. He'd loved Maryelle like any man would adore their wife. But as he'd come to accept his feelings for Sofia and learnt to know her all the time better by each year that passed, he'd comprised that the relationship between him and his first wife had been rather vague. They'd respected each other as spouses, but the difference laid right there. Balian didn't only respect Sofia, but she'd become more than wife to him, even they could've never married. But regardless Balian had come to see her as part of him, who without he couldn't have continued living the same way. If she would be taken from him, he'd be left incomplete. Without an ability to bounce back from the loss of her like when Maryelle had died, because by dying Sofia would take Balian with her. Leaving but a shell of a man, who would be at total loss of how to live her gone. His other half gone.

Satisfied sigh escaped Balian's lips as he knew Sofia to be right there with him. Under the same roof not going anywhere until the faraway years before them, taking care of the family which soon would gain another member. And the recollection of the small bundle of joy who was but a couple of months away from appearing caused him to separate from the beam. Balian taking his son's hand, them leaving the smithy, on their way to the garden until Damien let go of his hand and ran to Kalilah. Greeted by Darcy who first sprung to the boy to give him a lick on the face, before the animal ran all the way to Balian. His tail wagging furiously, the dog letting out a bark as Sofia now turned to see the man come to a halt to scratch the dog.

"You are a bad influence to the children", Balian murmured, panting Darcy only looking up to him happily, until Balian walked past him. Smile spreading on his lips as with only a couple of steps he was with Sofia, her as delighted irises welcoming him into her embrace as she then kissed him. Balian closing her into his arms, until retreated for surprise when Sofia's bigger stomach than he'd estimated prevented him from pressing close. A laugh escaped Sofia's lips.

"I'm afraid this little dear won't allow you to get close to her mother until three months from now", Sofia said, laughing in the end, causing Balian to smirk as he after all just pressed as close as was able this time. His hands finding their way to feel Sofia's bloated middle torso, where Sofia's rose to stay on his shoulders.

"Thus I have something else to look forward to", Balian said, giving a keen, amorous look deep into Sofia's eyes . Her directing a quick glance toward the children right by their side until laughed again, giving his chest a soft restraining smack.

"How come you left the smithy? Usually we don't see you until nightfall", Sofia questioned, confused.

"I decided to stop working for the day", Balian said, sweeping Sofia's jaw briefly. "I got worried. I need to be with you more and make sure you won't strain yourself and the baby."

Sofia gave him a gentle gaze, in turn capturing his jaw. The coarse feeling against her skin telling her that he was in dire need of another shave. "Haven't you learned by now how sturdy build I am? You don't have to worry about me so much."

"Even if I keep telling myself that, I still do."

Sofia smiled at him, her chest filling with that great love which had but grown from the faraway years of the day they'd met, reminding her how happy he made her feel by only looking at her. Just like that, with those warm eyes full of tenderness and worry. That familiar expression always making Sofia remember that younger crusader who'd vowed his love for her. But just as she leant forward to exchange another and this time longer kiss with Balian, the usual quarreling of the children woke both of their attention.

"Mommy, Damien keeps eating the apples from my basket!" Kalilah shouted, angry, trying to yank the fruit back from his brother. Sofia separated from Balian as both of them turned to follow their tiff for a while until Sofia sighed. Stepping forward and took the apple from Damien, then giving them each a strict look.

"That's enough for today ", she said, then nodding at Kalilah. "Take the basket inside. We have enough apples to make ten pies."

As Kalilah left with excited gleam in her round eyes, Damien about to follow, Sofia then took notice of the soothe covering her lastborn. Lifting the boy up to examine him, then directing a judgmental tilt of a head toward Balian whose skin was all covered with the same smutch.

"A fleeting moment in his father's care, and look how dirty he is!" she breathed, Balian inclining his head in turn as hadn't actually realized this fact but now, Sofia then only sighing deeper. Nodding toward her own basket beside the tree trunk. "Fine...Take that to the kitchen when I give him a bath."

Sofia gave Balian one more smile until started to waddle toward the house, a hand in hand with Damien who soon enough ran off again after Darcy. Balian letting out amused breath as Sofia's voice radiating frustration told him to go straight inside to get cleaned up. Balian lifted the heavy basket, a couple of fruits falling onto the ground as he as well next made his way toward the house.

Yes. Everything was just the way he'd wished years back when he'd brought Sofia here. And there was nothing he would've changed, nor wanted to achieve to make their life anyway more perfect from what it was.

"Balian! Take Darcy and wash him! He's spreading mud everywhere!" Sofia shouted from inside, Balian stepping through the door and put down his burden, seeing the dog dash to sight around the corner Sofia right after him. The dog running toward the still open door, until Balian was quick to step into the way. Grabbing the animal who hated nothing more than baths, Sofia heaving out a tired breath as leant against the wall.

"Above all things I have to chase after a dog like one of my own children!" she exclaimed, huffing for the second time until met Balian's smiling face.

"Go rest for a while. I take care of the children."

Sofia was surprised, but then only nodded. Turning around and walked toward their bedroom, amusement however appearing in her voice.

"You should prepare dinner as well while at it."

Balian smiled after Sofia who vanished behind the bedroom door, him then sighing at the as soothed dog as he was, the animal giving him close to a begging look not to be washed. But Balian only stood then, grasping Damien who at the same moment ran past them, catching him before he could escape. Finally closing the door behind him with a loud creak.

Sofia made a face as the unpleasant creak of the hinges cut her ponders, causing her to accidentally slice her finger with the knife she used to prepare the ingredients for that day's meal. Her frowning when some of the food was ruined by blood, Balian moving his attention from their youngest daughter he'd been dressing after hearing Sofia's low wail. In a second he was by her side, giving the cut on her finger a brief frown himself until took a towel. Wrapping it around the bleeding wound.

"You alright?"

"Yes, it's but a small cut", Sofia reassured with a smile, then turning around to look at Kalilah who'd returned form milking the goats, carrying the bucket to her mother. Sofia smiled approvingly, but then saw her best dress to have by some miracle gotten dirty. Her releasing a new wail, pointing at the stains.

"For heaven's sake Kalilah, I told you to be careful with your clothes!" she said, sighing. "Today is Sunday, and you know that you have to look tidy for the Mass."

"I'm sorry, mommy. I tried, but the goats..." Kalilah tried to explain until Sofia simply waved her to be silent. She was too busy to give her daughter an earful of scolds.

"Never mind, just sit down and eat your food. Damien, that includes you!"

The two oldest were quick to take their places, Balian as well sitting down on his own chair while seating the third child in his lap. Having accustomed to feed their youngest in the mornings when Sofia was busy serving breakfast, now pouring them each a portion of steaming porridge in haste, until took a seat at the other side of the table as well. Extending her hands toward Kalilah and Damien for a grace.

"We have to hurry or we'll be late from church! The new Bishop will give us his first sermon, and we have to be there to hear it!" Sofia urged cheerfully after the quickly enjoyed breakfast, kneeling down to fix Damien's sloppy demeanor. Trying to tame his messy hair to look at least a little more presentable. That was one of the traits all three had inherited from Sofia. Thick and dark unruly hair. Damien looked sullen.

"I don't wanna! I want to play!" he argued, Sofia tilting her head at him.

"All the other kids are going too. You can go out and play with them after that", she said, smiling then and stood. Checking that Kalilah hadn't made her dress any dirtier until her examination shifted to Balian, her this time letting out a snicker as saw traces of porridge on his beard. Quickly wiping it away.

"Lyla wasn't hungry", Balian offered as an explanation, Sofia lifting her brows and nodding. But then after finding everything to be ready for them to leave, she snatched a scarf from one of the backrests, then shooing everyone out of the house. "Quickly now!"

The small family made their way toward the church. It was new, not but a couple of years old, and Balian had been part of the refurbishment as the late Bishop had wished some years back. But even the old Bishop himself had finally died about three weeks ago, his successor had been appointed to their village not but a week past. Today giving his first Mass in their fine church, which was much bigger than the previous one.

The only changes hadn't been the rebuilt church and the arrival of the new Bishop, but what had also changed during the past years was the owner of the lands this village belonged to. The previous Landlord, Godfrey's bother had as well deceased soon after Balian's departure to Jerusalem, his son at the time dead, leaving no one from their bloodline in charge to govern the lands. So very soon a new Lord was assigned to take over the estate, a young man of a rich and renowned family. Very vain and indifferent by nature, who Sofia had come to despise. It had been more than once when by the means of his station he'd tried to get his hands on her like many other young women of this village, but always Sofia had been rescued either by pregnancy or the protection of Balian. Not often she dared to wander about the castle grounds alone, and most of the time she was with Balian if she ever ventured to the other side of the village.

They arrived to the church yard, Darcy running past them, up the hill with the children. Bishop Archambauld standing by the door, bells chiming as a signal of the starting Mass, him greeting the entering people with a nod and a smile. But Darcy's barking and the loud clamor of Balian and Sofia's children now woke his attention, his eyes narrowing only slightly as he took in the form of the Saracen woman walking arm in arm with the village blacksmith. Telling the children to behave, when as well other townspeople gave the arriving couple poignant glances.

The Bishop smiled as they reached him, nodding to Balian. "Good morning Balian", he greeted, politely. "It's good to see you. How's business?"

Balian smiled, looking at Sofia. "Well enough. I earn just the requisite amount to provide for my wife and our children."

Sofia turned to look at the Bishop after a slight frown due to Balian's remark, seeing the clergyman's eyes to roam over her foreign features and darker skin. Instantly realizing the course of his mind as saw his reserved attention to be turned to Kalilah and her simblings who all shared similar features of a Saracen with Sofia. Proving that not only French blood flew through their veins. The Bishop looked frank when he then made a quite a sharp notion.

"Wife?" he questioned, lifting his jaw. "As the new Bishop it is my obligation to know all parishioners in my church, and what I've come to understand is that you Balian are a widow of four years. There is no record of you to have remarried."

Balian gasped, his brows wrinkling only little, but Sofia's soothing hand pressed against his palm. Her smiling friendly.

"My Lord Bishop, it's true Balian hasn't been able to marry me, as you might realize our circumstances to prevent the possibility of marriage", she spoke. "But the love we share makes us more than husband and wife. We don't need a record on paper to prove us spouses, as we've been devoted to each other these past years as faithfully as any married couple would."

Balian directed a proud smile toward Sofia, wrapping his arm around her. The Bishop instead seemed rather bemused by such impudent declaration, coming from the mouth of an infidel like her, no matter was she in any form of an union with a Christian or not. But it was true that he disapproved her words, then only lifting his eyebrows.

"Truly. Then forgive me, madam."

Sofia nodded, her then starting to climb the stairs with Balian. Their children following. But a bible hold up by the cloaked arm of the Bishop stopped Sofia on the first step, her turning to give the man a confused gaze.

"I'm sorry, but due to your _circumstances_ I cannot allow you to step foot into our Lord's house", he said, now clearly degrading and stared at Sofia with tense eyes, beckoning to the tone of her skin, them eventually giving a brief glance at the children. "Same goes with them. They're not Christian, so they aren't permitted to take part in the Mass."

Sofia was so dumbfounded she couldn't answer, Damien, Kalilah and little Lyla looking at her as confused as she was. The old Bishop, who'd been kind and merciful from his heart, had always permitted Sofia to join the Mass with Balian. No matter of her origin, as Balian's companion she'd been welcomed as any of the villagers. Balian turned enraged.

"This is outrageous", he breathed. "She's my wife, and she's as qualified to attend as are our children."

"Perhaps, but your _marriage_ has never been blessed by a clergymen such as myself", Bishop replied. "And as long as it remains so, I cannot allow the will of our God to be ridiculed by letting a Muslim pray in His name. "

"I believed such questions about God's will are expressed at Holy Land, not here", Sofia said then as tensely, her gaze not faltering as she stared at the Bishop. "And I remember a certain Christian King who wished to see both Christians and my people to live peacefully as one, regardless of the God they pray for guidance."

"We're in France madam. Such preposterous ideas aren't valid nor supported here. _Not in my church_ ", was the Bishop's harsh reply. This caused Balian to fume.

"What she says is true. You have no right to treat her this way, her mother was a Christian! As are our children, you cannot prevent them from entering!"

"I can and will. You however are welcome to take your place among your congregation, Balian, as long as you leave your family at home."

"Very well!" Sofia interrupted then, both of the men looking at her, Balian's ire turning into confusion. Sofia sighed, smiling apologetically.

"I do as you wish. But please... Let the children come in with their father. They've been raised as good Christians, and will become ideal servants of your God by time. I ask you to be merciful like your predecessor, my Lord Bishop."

The Bishop gauged at Sofia, finally nodding curtly, where Balian gave her a bewildered look when the woman turned to him smiling.

"Sofia, you have no reason to..." Balian started, but Sofia placed a finger over his lips. Still smiling.

"It's better this way. I see you at home."

"Mommy, don't go!" Lyla exclaimed, hugging her mother. "Let's go together, to the church!"

Sofia only smiled, handing her to Balian. "Just go with your father. Mommy goes home to bake some fresh bread for you three."

Balian sighed deep as watched Sofia turn around, walking back along the path toward their home, Darcy leaving the children and accompanying her. And Balian knew without a doubt that she wasn't alright, as the treatment she sometimes received in this village because of her background was sometimes hard to deal with. At least to Balian, whose heart turned once again heavy by pity he felt for the woman he loved more than anything. Was she seen as infidel in the eyes of everyone in this village, or not.

* * *

Sofia set the bread to cool on the windowsill, sighing. Closing her eyes, enjoying the fragrant spring breeze blowing inside. But soon those woken troubles returned in her mind, her letting out a despondent sigh, eventually placing a hand on her stomach. She was with child again.

She'd found out not so long ago, when she'd visited the village's midwife because of her cold, as she was well knowledgeable how to cure different illnesses too. But the woman had a sixth sense for detecting a pregnancy, and when she'd forced Sofia to lay down and soon announced her to be with child, it had more flabbergasted her than delighted her. Because of the current situation they were in, Sofia couldn't afford to be happy about a fourth child.

The money was scarce, so Balian had seen best to increase his workload, this way doing extremely long days. Sofia and the children hardly seeing him before he returned from the smithy at the dead of night when the little ones were sleeping, exhausted. Already gone the following mornings when Sofia woke up to prepare breakfast, him living like this day after another without a proper break, all for the sake of bringing enough food to the table. And as Sofia thought about this with a heavy heart as well, she felt somehow guilty to be carrying yet another mouth to feed, which was why she'd kept this a secret from Balian. Incoherently seeing the birth of a new child only as a burden placed upon Balian's shoulders, her having no heart to tell him even she should've. She knew that.

"Hello, anyone home?"

Sofia gasped, her soon seeing Lilian, Balian's former sister-in-law, step in. Wide smile on her lips, practically glowing like any expecting woman would, a basket of pastries on her arm. She was a wonderful person to still worry about her sister's late husband and his new family, both Lilian and her husband Christian being one of the closest friends they had. Sofia offered her a weak smile, where Lilian's was turned into confused frown.

"Is something the matter?" she asked. "You're a little pale, Sofia. Is your condition...?"

"I'm well, Lilian", Sofia hurried to say, brushing away her gloominess and beckoned toward the table. "But please, have a seat. I won't have you standing at the doorway."

The two women took a seat, Sofia's expression soon turning back to rueful as her eyes fell to stare at Lilian's stomach. She was close to give birth. What were the odds for both of them to be in such a state?

"Have you told him yet?" Lilian inquired after noticing the younger woman's stare, smile in her voice. But she frowned deeper due Sofia's curt headshake, her releasing a sigh. "But why? It would be delightful news for Balian to hear he's to become a father."

"I'm not sure am I ready to make him one yet again", Sofia responded, half to herself as her stare had moved to the window, her hand caressing her own mid torso. Lilian was nonplussed.

"What do you mean?"

Sofia clearly hesitated, the other woman seeing her to be wrestling with such deep worries that she couldn't imagine a cause for them. Until Sofia then spoke, shaking her head, her voice hopeless.

"Last months have been really hard. In fact ever since Lyla was born, we've been in a plight with both money and food... It takes a lot to raise three children, and like me also Balian knows this. I don't really know how to make the ends meet, when everything goes to that little food we can attain to survive. Which is why Balian's taken upon too much work, demanding too much of himself, and I... fear for his health Lilian. I know he only wants to provide for us, but... for me to become pregnant again and cause him more concern by giving birth another child... I don't know should I tell him or not."

Lilian watched Sofia's blue gaze fall into her lap, seeing her inner struggle, Lilian understanding her more than Sofia realized. As a mother of five children she knew it was hard to get by with the little earnings their men received from their business. She placed a comforting hand over Sofia's palm, squeezing it.

"What're you going to do? Are you saying you're going to hide your state from Balian?" she queried. Sofia looked at her pleadingly.

"I might have a way... But promise me not to tell your husband, or he'll tell Balian", Sofia begged her, leaning closer, however turning even sadder. Closing her eyes again as Lilian nodded.

"Of course I won't."

Sofia leant her head against her hand, the words she was about to say making her sick. Making her feel ashamed for such a thought to even cross her mind. "As anyone in this village, you know where I'm from... And it was at Holy Land where I was taught a couple of tricks, to help me in certain undesirable situations... I know a potion which shall... The pregnancy is in such an early stage that it can be done."

"No... Sofia you cannot mean..." Lilian breathed, half pitying the young mother and half horrified by her proposition as a devoted Christian. But as she met Sofia's gaze she knew she was actually considering such miserable option to ease their family's predicament, Lilian letting out a hopeless sigh herself. "It's your choice. Even I cannot believe you to be thinking such a way... I understand why you would. I know how hard it is sometimes to be a woman, a wife."

Sofia said nothing. Just released a long breath, then jolting when the door suddenly swung open. Inside running startled Kalilah, carrying Lyla in her arms. Both of the women gave them baffled looks as stood, Sofia walking to her eldest daughter a question in her eyes.

"Mommy, Damien's fighting! With Lucien!"

Sofia was surprised but ran instantly outside, Lilian right behind her. And now both of them witnessed the ruckus between two young boys taking place at the road, some other distressed parents and children arriving to the scene and trying to separate them. Sofia called her son's name, being with him in an instant and wrenched him away from the other boy, directing a very angry gaze into his eyes.

"What do you think you're doing?" she exclaimed, shaking the boy gently as the other participant of the quarrel was closed into the arms of his mother. All eyes turning to Sofia. Damien started to sob, Sofia hardly filtering the words coming from his mouth through the crying.

"... Lucien... called mommy with bad names..." he cried, surprising Sofia. "He said mommy is a bad person who is the enemy of Christians and goes to hell. He said mommy is a filthy Saracen who deserves to be killed, just like Kalilah. And Lyla too!"

"Is this true?" Sofia asked, shocked beyond description, turning to gaze at Lucien until her eyes rose to his mother. The woman giving her but a glare back.

"So what if he did? It's true after all!" she shouted, causing Sofia to gasp for fright as she stepped closer. Sofia retreating away from her with Damien, pushing him behind herself to be saved from the woman's verbal abuse. "You're infidel son attacked my Lucien without a reason, even he said but the truth! You and your children are all wicked, and this proves it! It was right for the Bishop to ban you from coming to church with your man, who's as bad as you by indulging into the gravest sin with a Saracen!"

"That's enough!" Sofia cut in, very upset and angry herself, giving the woman a bemused gaze. Glancing at the children around them. "Think about what you say before them."

"Oh, I will!" Lucille responded, mockingly. "I certainly will tell my children to stay far away from your bastards born out of wedlock, and make sure they won't have anything to do with them! Your children will burn in hell just like their mother!"

Damien started to shiver, hiding into Sofia's hem for the fright of the woman's angry voice. So pity taking over her Sofia was satisfied to only leave the scene, turning her back to the woman and the rest of the gathered crowd. Grasping both Damien and Kalilah's hands, pulling them in rapid pace back to the house. But she could do nothing to stop the children's honest confusion, Lyla who'd just recently learnt to speak looking up to her.

"Mommy, what is a filthy Saracen?"

Sofia held back a burst of misery as then met with Lilian's sympathizing eyes midway. The older woman telling the children to go play with her own, then taking stunned Sofia inside, seating her on the chair again. She was in a daze, shaking her head until her gaze rose back to Lilian.

"How could they say something so horrible? They... The children have done nothing to deserve such treatment!" she breathed.

"Never mind Lucille. She said too much, and knows it."

Sofia shook her head, frowning, tears starting to glimmer in her eyes, her eventually turning a little hysterical and starting to cry. "No. She knew exactly what she said, because it was something she'd wanted to say for a long time!" she cried out. "But I don't understand, how can a mother say something so... so dreadful about another child? Call him with such names, and yet alone to teach her own son to say the same things! Never mind that, why couldn't she leave our children out of her hatred, when her true scorn falls upon me and me alone?"

Lilian couldn't say anything, just followed Sofia to cry helplessly.

"How could I do it to Balian?" Sofia asked then, from herself. "Or to this child growing inside me? How could I be so cruel and bring this baby into the world, which just showed such evil and injustice to my other tree? No, Lilian, it's wrong. It's wrong what Balian and our children have to go through just because of me. I never thought about it before, but... by bringing me here and raising a family with an infidel like me without a possibility for marriage... how much resentment it must've brought him."

"Don't be silly!" Lilian argued. "You brought happiness back into his life! It was you who saved him from the melancholy my sister's death plunged him into, and it's you who made him the happiest I've ever seen him!"

Sofia released a teary breath, lifting her eyes to see Lilian smile encouragingly.

"If Balian hadn't gone to Holy Land and met you... I don't think he would've recovered from the heartbreak. He loved my sister, but he loves you tenfold, Sofia. And I'm sure he knew perfectly well what it meant to bring a Muslim back home with him as his wife. He didn't care the scorn possibly to come, because his love for you is strong enough to overcome even God's judgment in afterlife. So you shouldn't let Lucille's words get to you. All that matters is that Balian has chosen you as his companion, and that he loves you and your children. As it should be, and as it is."

Sofia sighed, smiling a little. But it was then when the door opened again, this time Balian walking in. Giving a little concerned look at Sofia, seeing her reddish eyes, him then looking at his late wife's sister in confusion.

"Lilian?"

"Good morning Balian", she greeted, giving him a remarkable look before stood from her seat. "I just brought you some pastries, and found your wife to be in need of company. But now I leave you to talk."

Sofia did her best to hide the traces of her worries from Balian after Lilian left. Standing, noticing the sweat and soothe which already covered the man. He'd already started that day's work.

"I heard shouts from the road... Is everything alright with Damien?" Balian asked, worried.

"He... had a fight with Lucien."

"Lucille's son? Why?"

Balian saw a shadow appear on Sofia's face, telling him that the woman had something rather difficult to say to him. But eventually she only sighed.

"Lucien... badmouthed me in front of Damien. Calling me and his sisters filthy Saracens, who'll burn in hell's fire. His mother used the term as well in front of him."

Balian's eyes widened. "What? He said that? _Lucille_ called you in such way?"

"She didn't question his behavior at all. Just justified it by siding him, joining his insults with her own. Damien was only protecting me and his sisters."

"Either of them had no right to say such things about you, yet alone about the children!" Balian exclaimed, in rage, but then sighed. Calming himself as sat next to Sofia who'd fallen into the chair again. Taking her hand, examining her somewhat despondent demeanor. "Is that why you've been crying? Sofia, you must forget such insults. I know how hard it is, but we both know those things Lucille says aren't true."

"I know", Sofia replied, smiling weakly while looked up to him. "You always keep reminding me of how special I am."

Balian smiled, smoothing Sofia's cheek. "You are. You and our children."

Balian was then confused by the slight gasp his last spoken sentence caused in Sofia, her glancing down at her stomach briefly before Balian could detect her gaze. But still due to the expression Balian now saw on Sofia's face, he reckoned she was alright. Those worries lessened, her uneasiness eased. He kissed her cheek, standing.

"You're going to the smithy?" Sofia asked, watching how Balian took the bread from the window. Cutting a piece for himself with a smile, then about to leave.

"I have a busy day ahead."

"Balian, we need to talk", Sofia said, stopping him from walking outside of the house by putting a hand on his arm. Balian turning confused. "It's important."

"Wasn't the quarrel between Damien and Lucien dealt with?" he asked, Sofia shaking her head.

"Yes, but this isn't about Damien. Well, it is, but I have something to..."

Balian's smile made her voice cease, Sofia suddenly losing her courage, not being able to bring herself to say the words in her mind and only swallowed them as Balian came to her. Stealing away her chance to voice out her troubles.

"If it isn't about Damien, let's talk later", Balian said, Sofia opening her mouth to protest but nothing came out, Balian now leaning forward to give her another kiss. "I have an extensive order to finish, and must have it delivered to the castle today. But I promise, when I get back we'll talk. I love you."

So Sofia let him go, just like that. Being too big of a tenderfoot to stop him, her hand slipping apart from his as Balian left, Sofia sighing when she followed the door close behind him. What a coward she was.

Sofia couldn't calm herself. She was so uptight that whole day she kept on walking about the house restlessly, waiting for Balian to return. And finally the day turned into evening, Balian eventually coming home and finding Sofia from the kitchen. Sitting in the dark in her night gown, braiding her hair, set dinner table waiting for his arrival. And all of a sudden Balian realized how late it actually was, him giving the woman apologetic gaze as stepped into the room lit by only one candle.

"Forgive me. I made you stay up so late", he said, removing his boots, releasing a satisfied sigh as walked to the table. Sofia shook her head, her expression somehow peculiar.

"I couldn't have slept anyway."

Sofia had made some food for Balian, now serving it to him, just silently watching him eat for the next half an hour. But after observing Sofia's odd behavior wonder awoke in Balian, him abandoning his meal for a moment to give his loved one a questionable look.

"What is it you wanted to talk about?"

Sofia sighed deeply. Her eyes then moving to her stomach what else, her arms soon covering it after a moment of hesitating when she looked at Balian. Serious now.

"I'm with child, Balian."

The spoon in Balian's hand fell back into the bowl, him staring at Sofia dumbfounded for a while, until for Sofia's torment his eyes were brightened with greatest joy. Him smiling blissfully and pulling his chair beside Sofia's, her following him with her gaze hopeless. Balian's expected mirth hurting her, even she should've been as elated. Balian grasped her hands, gauging at her, his warm eyes stopping on her abdomen as well. Next giving Sofia the gentlest smile, Sofia frowning in secret when she received a kiss from him.

"That's wonderful. How far is it?"

"According to Myra I'm on my second month", Sofia revealed. "When I went to her house last week, she did an examination on me and told me I was pregnant."

"Why didn't you tell _me_ then?" baffled Balian questioned. "Why you've kept it a secret?"

Sofia couldn't bear to meet Balian's gaze, in the end taking his hands in turn. Gathering her courage to say what she had to say. "Because I'm not sure am I ready to have another child. Not in this situation."

"Situation?" Balian repeated, suddenly flustered, not understanding Sofia's everything but happy bearing. "What do you mean Sofia? We're going to have a child, what could make you hesitate so? These are delightful news you've given me."

"No, Balian", Sofia cut in, sad. "I didn't tell you, because I wasn't sure should I."

Balian frowned. "Why?"

"Because I knew how happy you'd be", Sofia stated. "As well as how miserable this makes me, this pregnancy. Balian... we cannot go through with this."

Balian leant away a little for surprise, not comprehending anything Sofia was saying. He shook his head. "Of course we are!"

"No, Balian. I told you about the baby only because as a father you deserve to know, but we must be rational about this. We cannot keep this child."

"Of course we can!" Balian breathed, him then making a somewhat horrifying realization. "We have to Sofia. How exactly could we prevent this from happening when you're already..."

Sofia gave Balian a miserable look as saw him freeze, actual anger now appearing in his eyes as he understood the course of her mind. Not agreeing, Balian squinting.

" _No_. Whatever you're thinking, I won't let you to do it", Balian said, tensely, now standing. "Killing our child would be a murder, nothing rational about it!"

"Balian, please!" Sofia breathed in turn, watching him stride to the window. She was lost. How could she ever make him understand?

"I want to keep this child as much as you do. But we have to think the benefit of the baby."

"Is that what you're doing?" Balian asked, turning to look at Sofia with disbelief. "Proposing that I'll allow you to get rid of my child?"

There was pain on Sofia's face, Balian saw it as she now sank deeper into her chair. Not far from crying, which made his quickly flared ire to sooth. Him gazing at the woman more gently now, trying to understand her when Sofia spoke.

"It's hard with three children alone. What would a fourth one do, when we're already struggling so much to feed them? Balian, we cannot afford to have another child. You give your all by working yourself close to exhaustion for our sake, but I cannot watch you to kill yourself with work, were I to give birth and make you responsible of yet another family member!"

The first fit passed, Sofia silencing for a moment, looking away from Balian who turned. Pity replacing the anger as he eyed at Sofia's woeful form. Slowly he made his way back, sitting down, as Sofia started to speak again. Her voice shaky.

"I wouldn't bear to see this child treated like Kalilah, Damien and Lyla", she stated, meeting Balian's eyes as he did take her hands again. Smoothing them for comfort as witnessed the worry Sofia had harbored alone, turning very upset. "The way people talk about them just because they're _my_ children... Children of a Saracen... It's wrong. I don't care what they say about me, but they're innocent children Balian! They shouldn't be forced to face such iniquity! How am I supposed to respond when they ask about the names they're called with, even by other children? I'm incapable enough of protecting them from the insular treatment of the villagers. Don't ask me to watch yet another child of mine to be denounced because of their mother. I can't do it... or see you shunned because of the bastards born out of wedlock I keep bringing to this world."

Balian frowned sadly, watching Sofia's head hung for desperation, her hand securely placed upon the unborn child.

"Have you been worrying about such things?"

Sofia didn't have to reply. But Balian then sighed, kneeling before her. "You don't have to worry about that", he said, serious. "Let me take care of money problems. That isn't something you should think about, and when it comes to your troubles about what happened today... No Christian woman fully accepted by this community would make me any happier. I love you and our children, and nothing anyone in this village says would make me feel otherwise."

Sofia looked at him, Balian now smiling. "You don't have to be afraid, Sofia. I'll take care of you, and make sure we can manage to support ourselves and our newborn. Nothing is going to happen to you, or any of our children. I make sure of that."

"How couldn't I worry?" Sofia asked. "While you fill your days with hard labor, I remain here doing nothing to ease our distress! Every day I fear we ran out of food or money..." Sofia kept a break. "I've been thinking on working as well. To collect some money for food, so that you could cut your workload."

"You don't have to", Balian contested. "Let me deal with the money. Don't worry about a thing, just focus on the baby."

Sofia shook her head in objection, them exchanging a long look, till she sighed. Making a meek nod, Balian smiling wider.

"Is there something else that worries you?"

"Yes", Sofia agreed, as well smiling now. "If you keep staying at the smithy all days long... at this rate you may not see the birth of your youngest."

They shared a smile, warm one, Balian examining Sofia until pulled her to her feet. Kissing her, soon giving her a keen look deep into eyes.

"Where are the children?"

"With Lilian. She took them in to give us time alone."

"Good."

Sofia was surprised as Balian now swept her off her feet, in but a couple of seconds carrying her into the bedroom. And by a single exchanged look that all familiar sexual tension was quickly triggered when passion took over and caused their blood rush hot in their veins. Sofia laying down onto the bed after exchanging a tender gaze with Balian. Having him soon on top of her, kissing her, where Balian's adoring hands habitually started to fondle her body. Pulling her other leg against his pelvis before it hooked behind his lower back, Sofia's hands sliding to pull away his shirt while she received a tingling kiss on her neck.

"Be gentle with me", she whispered, a little amused, their eyes meeting.

"Even in that state you make it challenging."

In a long time they hadn't had the chance to express their attachment to one another, making love but chastely under the sheets behind locked doors, being as quiet as possible for the children not to hear them. But now alone, no one in the house besides them, they were free to express their feelings. Just loving one another, their affection which always smouldered deep within them repressed, now blazing by their devotion to each other. Only deepening it with each touch, until the night passed and they were laying in each other's arms. On the border of falling asleep, Balian drowsily stroking Sofia's stomach, until both were lulled into most pleasant dreams.

Sofia gasped awake. Breaking free from the dream by blinking her eyes fully open, only to notice Balian to be still in bed by her side. His arms circled around her, now half awoken by Sofia's shifting body which sat up from his embrace. Sofia letting out a small groan due to her aching back, her hand habitually resting upon her huge grown stomach as she placed her feet on the floor. Her skin going goosebumps as she felt the coldness of it, looking out. There was frost in the window, pale sunlight of the approaching sunrise piercing the frozen glass. It was hardly the time to wake up.

"What is it? The baby?" very sleepy voice of Balian's asked, Sofia turning to give him a headshake.

"No. I just woke from a restless dream", she replied, smiling as Balian made a curt nod. Then yawning and turning his side, Sofia soon hearing the low snore of his as he fell back asleep. He was tired. That's probably why he hadn't already gone to work, and Sofia was only grateful that he'd decided to sleep in. He'd worked too hard these past months, as she had feared.

The click of the bedroom door woke her from her reverie, Kalilah running inside. The loud creak of the hinges causing Sofia to make a slight face as the girl jumped to the bed. Her voice too noisy.

"Mommy, Lyla is awake and she's hungry!" she informed her mother, smiling brightly. "And you promised to braid my hair today!"

"Shh, ***** kalilah, be quiet!" Sofia hushed, pushing the girl to her feet as stood up stiffly too. The weight of her abdomen causing her to feel a new ache in her back, Sofia sighing, until took a gown from a nearby chair. Shooing Kalilah out of the room, her voice but a whisper when Balian seemed to have fallen deep in sleep again.

"Very well then! Go to the kitchen and prepare your sister some food when I change!"

Some hours later the whole family was awake and enjoying breakfast together, except for Sofia and the two girls who'd been awake since sunrise, Sofia now brushing her oldest daughter's locks. Soon starting to braid the long curls after taming them, her skillful fingers working fast.

"Mommy's hair is so beautiful!" Kalilah remarked. "I will grow mine and it will be even longer!"

"I wouldn't be so sure. I decided to grow it more by each child God would give me, and who knows how many siblings you three will yet have", Sofia answered, amused, smiling as glanced at her over waist long locks till continued with Kalilah's own. Her frowning.

"Mommy's or daddy's God?"

"Both, honey. Now, stay still so that I can finish."

After finishing with Kalilah's hair and dressing the children, Sofia prepared to leave outside as well. Balian giving her a worried look as watched her toddle about the kitchen in search of her outerwear, until was ready. Taking a basket filled with children's clothes she'd sown for the other women of the village who'd recently had children. She had kept her head and tried to help Balian with the little income her business brought, and Balian had allowed it. On the condition that whatever she wanted to do would not risk her health in any way, which was why he now seriously considered was it wise to let Sofia go outside to deliver the clothes in her state. She was but two or three weeks away from childbirth, and it was very dangerous outside for a woman in her state. Not to mention that this pregnancy was different from the previous ones in that that Sofia was much bigger, her balance on the icy roads therefore poor. Balian walked back to her, giving her a remarkable look into eyes.

"I think you should stay inside", he urged. "It's very slippery outside, and I don't want you to hurt yourself."

"Nonsense", Sofia replied smiling, only giving him carefree smile and a smooch on his cheek. Passing him as went to the door in turn, letting the bitter breeze inside. "I'll be alright if just walk slowly. And I'll have Kalilah with me."

Balian turned to look at his oldest child with somewhat relieved sigh as the girl smiled, putting Lyla down and hurried to Sofia. Taking her offered hand.

"I take care of mommy, daddy! Don't worry!"

Balian lifted an incredulous eyebrow. "It's no fair to use her against me."

Sofia smiled at him amused, Balian then giving in and putting on his own coat, them then stepping outside with the children. Balian bending down to kiss Sofia quickly, as Damien ran to play in the thin snow with his little sister. Sofia's heart filling with warmth enough to chase away the slightest traces of cold, as she met Balian's gaze. Him now stepping down from the porch with one more smile.

"Be careful. See you at dinner."

"Don't tire yourself!"

As their intention, Sofia and Kalilah made their small round in the village. The rather mordant snowfall blowing against their faces as they visited the houses where mothers had ordered the clothes from Sofia, Kalilah collecting the payment when she wasn't sent to take a package or two to a house a little farther away. And in this fashion they made their slow way about until only last house was left to visit, Sofia releasing a relieved sigh as she climbed up the frozen hill. Being extremely careful not to slip and fall. It indeed was very dangerous to walk.

It was only early November, but already the weather was very harsh and reminded of late winter more, though not that much snow had yet fallen. But as it indeed was so cold, Sofia had made sure to dress an extra layer on Kalilah and herself to stay warm. In that she hadn't stinted a penny.

"Go see is Janelle at home", Sofia said to Kalilah. And nodding the girl did what she asked, soon Sofia hearing her voice shout out to her as the woman in question now stepped outside. Young Janelle sending her a shy smile from the door, Sofia returning it as finally reached them herself. Letting out a strained sigh, but then straightened. Taking out the clothes, handing them to delighted Janelle.

"As promised. Two shirts and three pairs of pants."

"You're a lifesaver!" Janelle commended. "I have no skill with a needle, so you truly saved me a lot of trouble, even it must've been a great favor to ask when you're about to become a mother yourself!"

"It was my pleasure."

Janelle took out a pouch of money, starting to count the agreed sum. Not much, but enough for Sofia to get a reward from her work.

"Here you are. But I really think this to be too little..." Janelle said, but Sofia only shook her head. In turn accepting the coins with gratitude.

"This is more than enough. Thank you very much, you're the saving angel."

 _"Janelle!"_

Janelle jolted as her husband's voice suddenly called her, both of the young women turning to look inside until the man in question strode outside. His face wearing a tense expression when with only a couple of steps he was with Sofia, grabbing her wrist. Squeezing so hard that the money fell on the ground, Sofia returning the man's hard stare only sonfused. He looked at her in deep disdain.

"You're not taking any money from us Saracen", Matthew sneered, releasing Sofia with a slight shove. Sofia frowned as Janelle tried to restrain her husband.

"Matthew, let it go. I asked Sofia to make the clothes and she deserves to..."

" _This woman_ doesn't deserve anything from us or anyone else!" Matthew spat, shaking off Janelle's calming hand. Though amazed Sofia now only met Matthew's enraged eyes calmly, his scorn not fazing her.

"Matthew, please..." Janelle tried, tint of fear in her voice but she only gasped as Matthew directed a slight scowl at her.

"Go inside and let me deal with this!"

"You don't have to talk to your wife like that!" Sofia cut in, serious as Matthew's head whipped toward her. The man frowning for anger as Sofia then sighed, about to lift the money from the ground. "I'll leave. I wish not to cause any harm."

Janelle sent apologetic gaze at Sofia. But now both women flinched when Matthew kicked the ground, preventing Sofia from grasping the coins and pushed her away. With such force that Sofia staggered once, with Kalilah's help managing to stay on her feet when Matthew's ire filled glare drilled into her. He pointed at her.

"I told you not to have a single coin from us!" he shouted, now other people gathering from the nearby houses to witness the foul out. "An infidel like you should just leave! You are a disgrace, and will never be welcomed as one of us!"

Sofia was once again baffled, hurt, her hardly managing to remain proud as then started to hear some agreeable mumble around her. Her directing glances to her sides, seeing how a couple of other villagers as well eyed at her poignantly. Concurring with Matthew, and encouraged by this he now stepped closer.

"You should go back to where you came from, and take your bastards with you!" he hollered, Kalilah's hand fisting around Sofia's dress as her mother just stood stunned. Humiliated. "You're not welcome here! No one in this village wants you, no matter if one of our own has seen fit to take you as his bed warmer! You're but a filthy Saracen, and we don't want the likes of you to defile our faith! Only thing you deserve is a quick death by the sword of an orthodox!"

"Don't talk about my mother like that!" Kalilah shouted then, her angry voice waking Sofia from her shock and she turned to her daughter. Her heart however skipping a startled beat as witnessed Kalilah to be first spat at and next hit by Matthew. The girl falling on the ground, Sofia's eyes widening until she looked at the man in hatred. Furious herself.

 _"Don't you dare to touch her!"_ she exclaimed, stepping forth, about to deliver a smack of her own at the man. But her hand stopped midair, Sofia turning scared as she saw the way Matthew's anger flared, him now hitting her right across the face as well. Very hard, the people releasing surprised murmur as they watched Sofia to turn around due to the force of the hit. Her legs slipping, loosing her footing and for her greatest horror falling onto her stomach. Hitting her head on the icy ground, letting out a moan as fought against the fainting sensation. Her dizzy mind barely registering the hands which shook her shoulder, her slowly lifting her bleeding head, her hazy eyes adjusting to the light again after the momentary blackness. Her moaning again, lifting herself up a little as looked at Kalilah. Smiling, extending her arm to wipe away the tears which had suddenly appeared in her eyes.

"Are you alright sweety?"

"Yes. But mommy's not."

Short confusion took over Sofia. But just as her gaze then followed Kalilah's frightened eyes to look at her lower torso, to register the blood which now was drenching her hem, Sofia felt pain. Great pain which pierced her stomach, so great that it caused her to squeeze her eyes shut. The horrifying realization she arrived at the same terrible moment making her cry herself, her sobs coming out as wails of pain when her arms first clutched her stomach. In denial, the pain increasing by each second with the blood which kept running. Small puddle of it starting to color the ice below her, as Sofia's heart was filled with only terror. The sudden fear squeezing her chest as she collapsed, unable to move. The pain was too great, her only being able to stay still. Moaning, crying.

"That's what you get. Our God had punished you for your sins."

Sofia lifted her gaze to stare at Matthew, full of disbelief, until new twinge of demanding pain caused her to convulse. Sofia trying to sit up, hardly succeeding. Kalilah's hands grabbed her again, her scared voice starting to speak as Sofia felt her shook her frantically. Calling her mother.

"Please. Help me!" Sofia begged then, someone, anyone nearby who heard her. Looking around in panic herself. "Please. My child... I need help please!"

"Mommy!" Kalilah called, frightened, crying as Sofia released a heavy breath. Trying to get up, not finding strength needed. Fear and the pain stealing her ability to move, her then looking at Kalilah when no help came. Sofia put a hand on her cheek until it fell to grab her abdomen again due to another wave of travail.

"Go get your father", Sofia told her, shoving her daughter gently until fell back down moaning. New tears falling, Kalilah just sitting.

"No, I don't want to leave you mommy!"

"Just go, and find your father! _Now_ , Kalilah..."

Kalilah jolted as Sofia's sentence was cut by the greatest moan yet. But then a new voice spoke, a familiar man arriving to the scene.

"What's going on here?"

Kalilah started to cry helpless as Christian stepped through the crowd, his eyes widening for horror as he instantly saw Sofia and all the blood covering her. No one needing to tell him what had happened as immediately he strode to the young woman, lifting her from the ground as looked at Kalilah into eyes. Death serious.

"Get Balian. Tell him to get home now!"

Kalilah did what she was told. Running straight to the smithy, not taking long before Balian raced down the hill to the house. Just as Christian was carrying Sofia inside, however coming to a curt stop due to the sight of overwrought Balian. Balian freezing as he too now saw Sofia's frightening torment, the blood which had drenched her clothes and which was dripping red onto the white snow. Causing his heart to stop beating for dread. Sofia's cries of pain tearing his soul, the way she gripped her stomach causing him to frown incredulous. But it was again Christian's determined voice which put things in motion.

"Take the children to Lilian and go get Myra. Now, Balian, or both of them will die!"

Balian made a rigid nod, about to leave. But one teary gaze of agony from Sofia made him halt, him now sharing a compassionate look with her and grasping her extended hand momentarily until Christian took her inside. Balian not wasting any more time but dashed forward, to get the village's midwife before it would be too late.

* * *

 ***kalilah = sweetheart in Arabic**


	2. Too Young For Death, Too Old For Life

He kept staring at the blood on the floor. His gaze fixated on it, seized by the trail of red leading through the house all the way to the closed door of the bedroom, unable to turn away from it. Balian's mind stirring for only one horrifying thought as he just couldn't look elsewhere from the blood of Sofia's. Only her loud cries of pain soon waking him from the terrified daze he'd fallen into, his dull gaze slowly rising to stare at the door in turn which behind she'd been concealed from him for what it felt like hours. Him nothing but overwrought due to the uncertainty of her welfare, not knowing was everything as bad as it seemed to him by the sight of all that blood. By the sound of Sofia's agony filled voice screaming from time to time for someone to help her, to save their child. Christian's soothing words urging her to bear with the pain a little longer, as long as Myra would arrive. The said woman indeed bustling behind petrified Balian's back, boiling water and preparing her herbs for the treatment. But simply the intensity of Sofia's pain told Balian the frightening truth he didn't want to even consider, him realizing the situation to be more than dire when among her pleading and cries of pure agony he separated his own name. His feet however nailed to the spot he'd been standing for the last twenty minutes, not being able to move for his own fear even now when Sofia needed him. Her what else than startled voice continuously begging for him to come to her. But it was indeed also those agonized shrieks of hers that kept him away, no matter how much Balian wanted to be by her side, him not being able to bring himself to walk into the room to witness the torment she was in. But mainly what caused him to stay still was his greatest dread about the fate of the baby. And now thinking that with heavy misgive he finally released a sigh, frowning as the most horrible scream yet pierced the air. Curdling his blood, Christian now as well calling out from the room to Myra. Telling her to hurry.

"Balian? _Balian!_ "

This time Balian gasped out of his stupor due to the sound of the midwife's voice, turning to look at the elderly woman by his side who was demanding his attention, not wasting time pitying over him but simply gave him such earnest gaze that it did clear his mind a little. Myra beckoning to the bloody floor as next hurried toward the bedroom with the boiled water and a heap of towels. The familiar pungent odor of herbs flying to Balian's nose as she passed him, him remembering to have smelled that scent before. When Maryelle had laid in labour in that same room years before, the foreboding recollections unsettling his ability to stay calm, the woman's voice once again interrupting his desperate remembrance.

"Don't just stand there, make yourself useful and clean up that blood before your children see it."

Balian followed the woman with his eyes, now finally sorting out his dismay enough to realize what he had to do. Instead of following the woman's advice walking after her, nevertheless flinching for the second time when she opened the door. Another scream of Sofia's wrenching his heart, but he didn't let it bother him, about to follow the woman inside. But she didn't let him in, her extended hand stopping baffled Balian from entering, him meeting with the woman's if possible even stricter stare.

"No you don't, you stay right here out of the way. I don't have time for frightened fathers to fuss about and hinder my work", she banned him, with a tone that told Balian there not to be a point for him to argue. But as he heard his name erupt from Sofia's lips again he didn't care of her objections, about to force himself in. But this time it was Cristian who prevented him from entering, pushing Balian away from the doorway before he could see more than a corner of the bed. Balian frowning his eyebrows at him where Myra immediately shut the door behind herself again, Sofia's shouts and the midwife's as well calming voice now muffled by the walls. Balian staring at the door for a moment in immense worry until he gave in, turning to Christian.

"How are they?" he inquired. Urging the man to give him the news as they were, but instead of replying Christian only gave him a downcast glance. Tapping his shoulder.

"I go see everything's well back home. I'll return later with Lilian to see how they fare."

Balian didn't respond either, only let his gaze fall on the floor as Christian then headed for the door. Balian soon hearing it close, him instead closing his eyes as dwelled in the concern which gnawed at him. Almost made him mad when those following minutes he just remained still outside the room, listening to the stomach turning sounds coming from inside. For nothing him waiting to hear the relieving cry of a newborn child, his hopes fading with each passing moment, Myra not emerging from the bedroom to deliver him the news he wanted to hear. He couldn't handle the quandary which kept him in such suspense that it felt like crushing him, him then finally simply sighing and directing his attention with all he had to the mess on the floor. Him in the end doing what Myra had prompted, fetching water from outside to clean it before any of the children would stumble upon it. He was distraught alone, but what if Kalilah or little Lyla saw their mother's blood spilled all over their home in such quantity? Balian could barely keep himself calm enough to operate.

But regardless of his intentions after Balian had hardly had the time to fetch the water and commence his task he heard the front door to creak again, someone coming in. And instead of presumed Christian or Lilian for his fright he found himself to be staring at Kalilah, her round eyes even wider and full of tears as they instantly were stuck to gaze at the blood at her feet. Balian sighing deep this time as he couldn't prevent her from the sight anymore, watching with pity how Kalilah followed the trail of blood to the door behind her mother was giving birth. Painfully, Balian frowning when the momentarily ceased cries of Sofia's resumed again, causing Kalilah to gasp. Snivels making their way up the girl's throat as she then lifted her teary eyes to her father, helpless.

"Is mommy going to die?"

Balian's heart lurched because of that question which he didn't want to admit to be probable, but he then forced himself to smile at the child. Reassuringly, shaking his head as was quickly with Kalilah. Lifting her into his arms, embracing her gently as turned her away from the sight of the bloody floor. However his face now concealed from Kalilah his own features turning back to solemn.

"No. Your mother's going to be alright."

"And the baby too?"

To that Balian couldn't say anything. Anything that wouldn't have sounded but a lie to soothe himself as well as the child in his arms, his gaze dropping before his eyes closed for a brief moment more. Him then bracing himself for the sake of Kalilah and separated from her, smiling again, putting her back on her feet and took her hand to lead her out of the house.

"Come. Mother's not feeling well right now, but will see you when she's better. You should go back to your brother and sister and take care of them till then", he urged as well tenderly, taking Kalilah closer to the door. But instead of following him Kalilah came to a sudden stop, Balian looking down at his oldest daughter questionably, soon enough following her stare which was again focused on the dirty floor. Balian trying to turn the girl away.

"Let's go Kalilah."

" _No!"_

The seriousness of Kalilah's voice caused Balian to freeze, his grasp from the girl's arm loosening when he then watched in confusion the child to walk to the bucket of water. Her now taking the rag from it, doing like she'd observed Sofia to do many times while cleaning and squeezed the extra water from it before dropped it on the floor. Causing Balian to feel both sorrow and pride when he was left but to follow how Kalilah started to wash away the blood, well aware that it belonged to her mother. Her though crying still not showing her fear on her young face of a seven year old, instead with a determined expression getting rid of the evidence that her mother was badly hurt.

"I will help. If mommy's unwell I have to help her by cleaning", she explained to Balian, completely seriously, Balian not knowing what to feel exactly when for the next minute or so he was dazed again. Not believing his eyes which monitored a small child like Kalilah to express such bravery that it some way relieved the steel hard grip of his chest, him even smiling a little as then knelt next to the girl. Taking the rag from her, submerging it into the water himself only to clean the bloodstains from Kalilah's skin. Meeting her eyes.

"You're a good girl, Kalilah. Mommy's going to be very proud of you for being this brave, wanting to help. But you can help your mother more by going to Lyla and Damien and tell them she's to be alright. They're probably as worried about her as are you", Balian told her, managing to gain a faint smile back from the girl. Balian then placing a quick kiss on her forehead, due to the sound of another tormented cry emanating from the bedroom then as swiftly lifting Kalilah back to her feet. "Come on, let us go."

Balian took Kalilah straight to Christian and Lilian's house, then hurrying back to his own. Only to find that nothing had changed during his short absence, his home still filled with wails of pain when Sofia struggled to deliver their child. The sickening stench of blood stuck in the room, Balian opening the windows to allow the fresh air inside before submitted to the situation. Finishing cleaning the floor, tossing the bloody water into the frozen ground. Holding back another twinge of terror when followed the white snow slowly turn red, simply now himself turning his back to the sight as marched back in. Sitting down to a chair to wait.

He didn't notice the time pass nor the way day turned into evening during his quiet wait. Him not moving from the chair as just remained still to learn the state of Sofia, however only barely keeping himself together, although by time he'd learnt to bear her pained moans. Them finally ceasing by the time of nightfall, whole house silencing from all sounds. Balian not being able to hear anything, not crying of the child nor weeping of Sofia informing him everything to have ended well or as he feared, badly. The excruciating silence this time causing his chest to fill with anxiety, him leaning on his knees as tried to stay hopeful. Assuring himself that everything must've been alright, that Myra would soon exit the room. Holding their healthy baby in her arms, telling him that Sofia had as well survived the childbirth unharmed.

So he thought. Hoped. But how much his heart sank when the door of the bedroom door finally opened after ten minutes more of death silence. Him jumping to his feet, watching how the elderly woman indeed stepped outside, trying to cover something she carried in her arms with a cloth. Balian's flickering joy turning into distress, him letting out a pent-up breath of sorrow as he immediately knew what had occurred in that room instead of what he'd prayed for. The midwife's pitying gaze visiting him as she walked toward him.

"I am sorry Balian. I did everything I could to help them, but it was too late for the boy."

 _A boy?_

"Sofia?" Balian asked then, the terrifying question coming out strangled, feeling like choking him. Him lifting his miserable gaze from the bloody bundle in the woman's arms to meet Myra's eyes, the gruesome state of the child making him fear the worst for Sofia too. But the following reassuring nod of the midwife eased Balian's dread, relieving some of that crushing pain in his chest.

"She's alive. Emotionally and physically weak, but alive."

Balian made a despondent nod himself, his attention returning to the deceased baby. The old sensations of loss returning from their years of absence as he lifted his hand, to touch their lastborn, but Myra didn't let him do that either. Only shaking her head with this time gentle look in her eyes which met with Balian's, Balian being able to read from the woman's expression that he didn't want to bring himself any more torment by seeing his son dead.

"I'll take him", she promised, about to leave, but Balian turned a little more serious then.

"I'll bury him myself", he objected dourly, trying to take his son into his own arms again but Myra turned to look at him what else than earnestly. Nodding toward the bedroom, her following words sounding like the ones Balian had said to Kalilah.

"No, you're going to go in there to Sofia. She needs you more. All care this child needs now comes from God alone", the midwife informed him, stubbornly wrapping the tiny torso of the child with another cloth as then walked to the table. Sighing.

"Did she see him?"

Myra stiffened now, her for a fleeting moment miserable eyes which instantly sought Balian's telling him the troubling truth without any words needed. Balian as well releasing a resigned breath, great sorrow setting foot in him just like the last time he'd learned of the death of his child. His eyes squeezing shut momentarily before Myra soon handed him a package of herbs after a curt silence.

"She needs a lot of rest now. But when she wakes you must make sure to boil these and have her drink them to prevent any further complications. And most importantly she has to avoid excess strain and take it easy for a couple of days."

Balian accepted the herbs with another dejected nod. "Thank you."

They shared another short silence as Myra eyed at Balian, then watching him to go fetch a scarf from one of the chairs' backrests. Sofia's by the looks of it, him the handing it to the woman who instantly fathomed the purpose of it, taking it with a nod herself as Balian lastly gave her a cross from his neck. But the midwife said nothing then as simply smiled a little to the man, placing a comforting hand on his arm.

"I'll come see how she's doing tomorrow. But even you undoubtedly already know, I must remind you that as a woman who hasn't experienced a miscarriage before, she's very sensitive and upset about what has happened. It will take time for both of you to get over this loss, and therefore you must try to understand the depth of her sorrow. So even you are soon ready to try again, you mustn't hasten for having another child. Sofia needs to take her time to recover from her shock, especially considering how severe experience this was for her, and before she feels herself ready to become a mother again you shouldn't pressure her into any kind of intimacy. Not until you're both ready."

Balian made a third nod, understanding perfectly. Myra had said the same thing when Maryelle had given birth her child as stillborn, remembering the way it had affected her, it not even occurring to Balian to pressure Sofia into anything which would result into same kind of horrifying outcome than all those years ago when his wife had ended up taking her own life. Him now managing to offer the woman a slight smile in return.

"I understand. I take care of her."

Myra sighed satisfied, then taking her basket and other belongings with her as walked to the door. "I'll ask Lillian to keep the children with them for the night. Try to get some sleep Balian, both of you."

Once again Balian was left alone in the house, him now letting out the deepest sigh so far as like many times before turned to the bedroom door, with slow steps starting to approach it. Still not hearing a thing, only his own breathing as carefully opened the door. His eyes instantly flying to the still form laying on the bed, under the covers Myra had changed into clean ones. Balian seeing the bloodied sheets to have been placed into a basket close to him, one more sigh leaving his lips as his attention returned to Sofia who seemed to be asleep. Not moving when Balian then entered, him walking to the bed and sitting down. Eyeing at Sofia with woeful eyes, examining her until she all of a sudden stirred from her immobile position for his surprise. Turning on her back, the expression in her eyes hurting Balian as much if not more when he'd seen his wife in the same state. Sofia appearing devastated, completely discouraged as she in turn eyed at Balian in utmost misery. Him seeing the trails of shed tears under her eyes when she then broke into new ones again due to the sight of him, Balian's pity filled chest squeezing yet again as all he could do was to place a comforting hand on Sofia's cheek. Smoothing it, returning her stare as rueful. Sofia shaking her head at him as tried to sit, being however too weak to succeed as then only slumped back down. Apologetic look in her eyes.

"You were right", she whispered, her voice nothing but tearful, paper thin as she met Balian's gaze again. Begging his forgiveness, causing his heart to turn heavy for other reasons as her other hand now made its way on her stomach. The gesture itself incredulous as she tried to feel the familiar bulge of it, the lack of it instead reminding her that the child was gone, lost forever. "I should've listened to you, I'm so sorry Balian. This… is all my fault…"

Sofia couldn't bear to look at Balian anymore but instead hid her face into her palms, starting to cry out her heartbreak again. Balian squeezing his own eyes shut again before then wrapped his arms around her and settled them on the bed. Stroking Sofia's hair, however not being able to say anything in response. Remembering very well that last time in a similar situation his words had done nothing to ease the pain such tragedy created in the woman he loved, him simply holding Sofia in his embrace, letting her cry. Soon feeling her to seek the comfort she needed by pressing against him, both of them then sharing their grief with one another in silence broken only by Sofia's sobs. Balian staying with Sofia as long as the in every way challenging events of the day eventually tired her out, her falling deep in sleep. Balian instead falling into gloomy thoughts, mourning over their son by himself until the mental exhaustion took the best of him as well. Him zoning out in turn, not waking up until was later awoken by the familiar creak of the front door. Him glancing at Sofia briefly until sat up a little, hearing footsteps to near the bedroom. Lilian soon coming to sight, her features softened by empathy what else as she came to a halt at the doorway. Christian appearing behind her as with a sigh Balian reluctantly crawled out of the bed, being careful not to wake Sofia. Like Myra had said, she needed to sleep instead of brooding in any further guilt. She'd done that enough earlier, and he couldn't have taken any more of her lament that day. In addition to his own, his every step feeling heavy as if he'd been shackled into the foundations of the earth.

"How is Sofia?" Christian inquired, him and Lilian following Balian to the kitchen as he slumped into a nearest chair. Rubbing his eyes.

"Not well. She's in pain and blames herself for what happened", Balian replied, his voice nothing but glum, watery as was expected. Lilian took a seat next to him.

"And how are you holding up?" she asked, worried, before then leant forward to embrace his former brother-in-law. "Myra told us what happened. I'm so sorry Balian."

Lilian felt Balian to stiffen in her arms, him not saying anything in response as she then saw him avoid direct eye-contact with her by dropping his joyless gaze for the second time. It being clear to both her and her husband how big of a blow Sofia's miscarriage had been to Balian as well. But they saw him turn a little serious now, standing.

"What happened? She was alright this morning when I last saw her. You were there Christian, you were the one who brought her here", he questioned, almost demanded as forgot his sorrow for a fleeting moment when pure astonishment took over him. Him locking gazes with Lilian's husband who turned rather grim himself, not replying, that task falling to his wife who'd been recounted of the happenings.

"Sofia got into a ruckus with Matthew", Lilian revealed, confusing Balian. Sofia wasn't violent by nature so that didn't make any sense to him, him frowning in disbelief.

"What do you mean by that?" he asked again, even more serious. Following how Lilian's face was as well curtly shadowed by contempt, it being then replaced by compassion as she sighed.

"Matthew refused to pay Sofia for clothes Janelle had asked her to make for their children… So when Sofia tried to get the money they'd agreed on, apparently Matthew assaulted Kalilah. Sofia was only trying to protect her when… Matthew hit her too. And as a result Sofia fell onto the frozen ground and..."

Lilian didn't have to finish for Balian to realize the awful truth, it only infuriating him when he thought about the man who was commonly known to be inclined to drinking. Balian as well as others in the village considering him as a vicious man, who most certainly used violence to control his wife, and who as certainly hated Sofia for her lineage as a pious Christian. Which was why the mention of his name in the account of Sofia's accident upset Balian even more, pushing him over the edge.

"Matthew? You're telling me that because he dared to lay a hand on my daughter, Sofia miscarried the baby? That it was he who murdered our child?" Balian remarked, enraged, his balefully alert eyes staring at Lilian and Christian in turns. Lilian trying to say something but after all couldn't, in the end only looking down woeful. Closing her eyes as that after all was the truth, Balian's scornful gaze now looking toward the door. Him about to march to it on a angry whim, but his friend was quick to stop him.

"Stop it Balian, don't do it. Matthew deserves the worst for what he's done, but going to his house to brawl doesn't bring your son back", he reminded, Balian's eyes narrowing as he jerked himself free.

"He killed my son Christian!" he bellowed, his sorrow this time erupting from him as pure rage as he beckoned toward the bedroom. "Because of him Sofia lies in there in great pain, devastated, blaming for herself for the death of our child even it was he who brought this upon us! Because of him she almost died along with our son!"

"I understand what you're going through Balian", Christian replied rationally, now directing a serious stare into his neighbor's own, taking hold of his shoulders to calm him. "But this is not the right way to act. Matthew shall pay for his deeds, intentional or not, but right now you need to focus on Sofia. And your children, they all need you now more than ever. Especially Kalilah. As much as Sofia blames herself for the loss of your baby, so must Kalilah as well. Sofia was after all defending her when it happened."

Balian's ire was cooled by this notion, an image of Kalilah from earlier evening instantly rising into his mind from the temporary oblivion. Standing at the doorway, with horrified and as he now understood guilt fraught eyes staring at her mother's blood on the floor. Which she apparently blamed herself to have caused to bleed, Balian's heart now sinking because of another kind of spite when he thought of Kalilah to believe her to be the cause to all of this. Her evident worry about her little sibling's welfare as well as her mother's proving her to have been carrying unneeded burden on her shoulders back then, Balian finally realizing the pressure she had to be under. Still, thinking that Sofia's accident had been her fault, and her fault alone. That was why Balian now closed his eyes to calm himself, sitting on the chair again with a complying nod.

"You're right Christian, I'm... not thinking clearly… How were the children?" he queried then, giving a questionable glance to both the man and his wife.

"Frightened like Kalilah. We couldn't make them eat much dinner, but Lilian managed to put them to sleep with ours", Christian answered, Balian making a weak smile. Then gazing in front of himself with nothing seeing eyes.

"Good."

Silence descended as none of them then said nothing, Balian fallen back into his downcast ponders surroundings his deceased son and Sofia, Lilian then soon making a wider smile as walked to him. Waking his attention again.

"Why don't you go with Christian to our house and get some sleep?" she prompted gently, exchanging a look of concur with her husband, until met Balian's gaze again who frowned a little due to her suggestion. "You're probably as worn out as Sofia. I can stay here and watch over her this night."

"No", Balian declined instantly, straightening and looking toward the bedroom. His frown deepening but only for pity, his voice however resolute. "I won't set foot out this house before she wakes up."

Lilian let out a defeated breath, exchanging another look with Christian before both of them resigned to his will. The woman nodding in understanding, placing a supportive hand momentarily on Balian's shoulder. "Alright. But I think it's still best that I stay with Sofia, so that you can close your eyes for a moment. Your family needs you rested and hale, so you must remember to care for yourself too Balian."

Balian returned Lilian kindness with a second smile, making a new slight nod as landed his own palm on hers curtly. "I will."

* * *

In the end Balian had settled himself onto the bed of their children, which though rather small was wide enough for him to use. Him to have been sharing Lilian's thoughts last night about giving Sofia some privacy and much needed peace, where he also had his own reasons. Even he hated the thought of Sofia confined there alone, he himself had needed to get out of that room which still reeked of blood. Of death, his very presence in their bedroom reminding as well Balian of the painful fact that their youngest child had died there not but hours ago. So it might've been a good thing that Lilian had appeared with her husband, taking Balian away from there to sort out his thoughts and feelings before facing the truth again.

But as Balian woke early the following morning, he indeed felt a little better compared to the horrors of yesterday. Of course that great pain was there, the memory of his dead son still fresh in his mind when he sat at the edge of the bed, but the night's sleep had done its job, helped him. He felt himself stronger, more capable of dealing with the miserable incident, ready to face Sofia's own sorrow to support her as Myra had pointed out. To help her as well as himself to get past the tragedy. That was why with a long sigh Balian now exerted to his feet, stretching his back a little due to the ache the curled position he'd slept in had caused. Walking to the empty kitchen, realizing it to be truly rather early when he gazed outside and saw the pale sunlight reflect through the windows.

But Balian then took notice of the mended fire in the hearth, seeing the cauldron which had been placed onto the table. Him walking to it and finding it to contain the boiled herbs Myra had given him last evening, his attention immediately drawn to the bedroom door he saw to be ajar. Him being able to guess the person responsible of preparing the remedy as now strode to the room quietly, entering. Indeed finding Lilian inside, sitting next to Sofia who was surprisingly awake. Balian offering a smile to the women as followed Lilian to pour the rest of the medicine into Sofia's mouth.

"Has she been awake long?" Balian asked, walking closer as Lilian met his eyes. Returning his smile.

"No, but when I came to give her the herbs I found her awake. She's asked for you", Lilian responded, Balian's gaze moving to Sofia. Balian seeing her to be still very weary, but she nevertheless smiled back at him a tad. Lilian giving her spot to Balian as he sat down, taking Sofia's hand she'd lifted toward him, Balian placing a soft kiss on it as exchanged a tender stare with his beloved.

"I'll go make some breakfast", Lilian informed, Balian nodding.

"Thank you."

Both Balian and Sofia watched Lilian to close the door behind herself discreetly, Balian then letting out a relieved breath and gazed at Sofia again. Moving closer, his hand stroking her hair like last evening.

"How are you feeling?" he inquired, eyeing at her and her drained features. Sofia replied with a ghost of smile, but Balian could tell that she hadn't actually recovered from the shock any more than he had.

"I'm tired and my whole body aches… But Myra said the herbs to help the pain", she said quietly, Balian nodding until saw her to shiver a little. Tucking her better into the covers before then looked down momentarily, them spending a moment in silence. Sofia now trying her best not to start to cry when Balian's left hand now landed on her stomach in turn, to smooth it. Sofia swallowing her tears, forcing herself to stay calm as looked at Balian, gauging at his grief worn demeanor sadly and taking notice of that vacuous look in his eyes, which was driven away only by brief glimpses of warmth when they hold hers. In same melancholy her own hand now setting on his.

"How are you?" she queried, taking in a breath before dared to look up to Balian again. Him this time closing his eyes at first, having to take a moment to pull himself together until looked at her with a slight smile, but which Sofia could see to be but pretense. In her eyes him attempting to seem more courageous than he really was for her sake, but on the contrary only made her even more miserable when she heard his response. Woe radiating under the warm tone of his voice which strove to console her.

"Better."

They stared at each other for a while, Balian then witnessing how Sofia's face was filled with that same emotion she'd expressed last evening. Guilt, disbelief instead taking hold of him as Sofia now escaped his gaze, staring at the ceiling before her eyes closed in remorse. A tint of bafflement however as well then visiting Balian's mind as her speech seemed to waver a bit when she started to speak again, tearful. All the more as hurt in essence as was Balian.

"Forgive me. I didn't mean to cause our child's death. If I hadn't been so careless this would've never…" she breathed then, laid the blame on herself yet again, but Balian wasn't going to allow her to believe in such things which weren't true. Him interrupting her before her sense of guilt would escalate into any further malaise.

"It's not your fault, none of it is", Balian told her, soon locking reassuring gazes with her. Even smiling at her, but it was nothing but a devastated smile. "I know, Sofia. I know that you're not to blame, so stop saying that."

Balian hold back his deep rooted disdain when Matthew came into his mind, where Sofia stared back at him in denial. Not accepting his reassurance by shaking her head briskly as a couple of tears did then fall, her frowning incredulous. Both of her hands now stuck on his palm as well as her stomach. "But I…"

Balian gasped as Sofia suddenly went silent, her looking confused for a moment until she squeezed her eyes closed momentarily, releasing a few breaths. One of her hands rising to her forehead as she apparently fought against some morbid sensation unknown to Balian, startling him.

"What is it? Are you in pain?" Balian asked, straightening as examined Sofia for another time, watching her shake her head again. But it was hardly a movement, her abruptly looking very frail as her eyes opened just slightly. A feverish look in them as they peered back at him, him taking actual notice of it for the first time.

"I just feel a little… faint. It must be the medicine", Sofia stated silently. But all of a sudden her palm flew to cover her mouth, her eyes momentarily widening as Balian saw her to gag, Sofia then taking him aback by springing up from the bed. His arms rushing to support her and pull back her hair when she as abruptly threw up, spooked Balian glancing between Sofia and the vomit on the floor bemused. Watching Sofia's body to convulse a couple of times as her system apparently rejected the remedy by churning all of it out, her eyes now starting to droop as she sucked in a breath, sitting, only to collapse into Balian's arms completely languid. Balian's worry only increasing now as having an inkling he pushed a hand under Sofia's nightgown. Sofia's breathing now seeming quite fitful to him for the first time as well when he laid her down, her head slumping against the pillow. Her eyes now once again closed, Balian realizing her body to feel abnormally hot as did her forehead when his palm next swept over it, making him frown.

"Sofia?" he called, not gaining an answer. "Sofia, do you hear me?"

Even Balian tried to shake Sofia awake, she after all didn't. Another sensation of distress possessing him like a day before as in a flash turned toward the closed door. "Lilian!"

Alerted by Balian's worry consumed voice Lilian hurried to the bedroom, Balian meeting the woman's gaze his own dead serious after Lilian had directed a wondering glance at both the traces of vomit and Sofia, who'd quickly fallen back asleep. But not because of the reason she reckoned, worry as well seizing her when Balian's eyes now looked into hers in alarm.

"Go fetch Myra!"

"What happened?"

"Something's wrong. She has fever and her body rejects the medicine. She's ill. "

"What?"

Instead of leaving Lilian now dashed to the bed, Balian giving her room so that she could examine Sofia by herself. After a few seconds of taking in her symptoms and giving the vomit one more significant look Balian then hearing her sigh, her features changing from concerned to serious.

"She's developed childbed fever. I go get Myra right away."

* * *

Like Lilian had concluded, according to Myra Sofia had come down with childbed fever. After examining her giving Balian new instructions how to treat her, where she would stop by every day to check upon her like previously promised. But nonetheless for the next week Balian had to take in hand not only Sofia's welfare but the house and the children. Not to mention his work, which couldn't be neglected and let piled up if he wished to keep his family provided. Especially now when Sofia was unwell and unable to do her share.

Myra hadn't been able to say how long it would take for Sofia to be back to her healthy self, but when he'd asked the reason for her illness the midwife had explained it to have been an understandable outcome after such a rough and prolonged labour, her saying it to be common for women experiencing miscarriage to catch childbed fever due to an possible infection in their birth canal. Honestly Balian hadn't understood much about what the elderly woman had told him, only that if not treated right Sofia's condition would easily worsen and take her life, even she'd survived the hard delivery and the excessive bleeding that had occurred. So when days passed, at times Balian found it quite challenging to forget his own sorrow and fatigue to be able to take care for his family, following at close quarters how Sofia was extremely prone for fevers which she suffered almost ceaselessly. Him having to make himself to find enough strength to attend her needs after a hard day's work, like Myra had warned him along with fever Sofia suffering from both continuous nausea and abdominal pains. Her however fortunately sleeping most of the time, getting the rest which was even more essential for her to recover. But on the down side when she spent so little time awake, Balian truly started to feel himself strained. He wasn't accustomed to take care of everything along with his work at the smithy, and the children needed their mother.

Luckily Myra's treatment worked, Sofia rapidly staring to make a steady recovery, relieving at least some of Balian's amasses worries. But the less he had to focus on Sofia's welfare, the more his thoughts turned back to their dead son. But he warded off those emotions of sadness and depression by concentrating on their three eldest. Them giving him much needed support and joy during those days of grief, him realizing for the first time how much he'd needed to spent time with them. How much he now needed to be with them. And by time his painful wallowing in the loss of their youngest child started to turn into even greater affection toward the children he and Sofia had already been given, and who now meant the world to him. Him feeling himself so blessed and glad to have them…

Balian gasped awake. Not at first being able to differ the dream from reality as groggily sat up, yawning. He'd dreamed of Ibelin, about his former life back at Holy Land. About the time which had made his current life in France possible, him however not understanding why the past had suddenly reappeared to him in his slumber. He hadn't dreamed about Ibelin for years now, though had been thinking about that place every now and then. Always when he thought about how he'd first met Sofia, and recalled the happenings that had ultimately led him to fall in love with her.

Speaking of Sofia, Balian now turned on his back to realize the bed to be actually empty besides him. Him looking up toward the dressing table, seeing Sofia's nightgown to be hanging on the backrest of the chair in front of it. Like always, but where Balian hadn't seen it for a week. His ears now picking up the voices of the children coming from the kitchen, nonplussing smell of food reaching his nose as he stood from the bed in turn. Dressing himself before walked out of the room, surprise in fact filling him as he was beholding a very commonplace view. Kalilah, Damien and Lyla sitting at the table eating, Sofia instead standing a small distance away preparing breakfast. Like every morning. But not every morning Balian found himself to sigh for relief to see her up and about, fully dressed, appearing healthy enough again to leave the bedroom as now alerted by the sound of the opening door she turned to look at him. Smiling at him, Balian however noticing her to take support from the work top. She after all hadn't been out of bed for a week and was feeble.

Smile rising on his lips as well Balian instantly walked to his family, ruffling Damien's hair while passed by until was with Sofia. Giving her a fleeting look-through, insecure.

"Should you be up yet?" he asked, taking in the shadows under Sofia's eyes, seeing that her complexion was still slightly pale as well. But she only sighed, taking his hands with assuring smile.

"I've spent enough time in bed", she told him, her hands now sliding to Balian's shoulders as they locked gazes. "I'm still a little frail, but what can I do? The four of you need to eat."

Balian smiled in amusement, but then turned thoughtful. Looking at Sofia questionably, inquiring look in his eyes, Sofia being able to deduce the nature of his concern from his softened irises. Her closing her eyes with a weak nod.

"Yes, I'm fine. I just need time, and remaining bedridden doesn't do any good for me or to you", she replied to his unspoken question, Balian following her gaze now turn to the children. Hint of sadness in them, even they were brightened by affection. "I need to be with you to get better, with our children. That is the only way to survive from this."

Balian nodded in concur with another tender smile, pressing close to Sofia. "We do it together."

Sofia's eyes smiled as they met Balian's again, them examining one another for a moment until they shared a short kiss. However soon enough separated by the also so common sound of quarrel coming from the table, Balian flinching as felt something hit against his back. Sofia turning him around to find it to be a spoonful of Lyla's porridge, her gaze traveling to the culprit who hold the very spoon in his hand, and who'd accidentally flung the porridge on his father instead of Kalilah. Damien stiffening, where Sofia sighed deep. Jerking the spoon out of her son's hand.

"Behave yourselves, or today each and every one of you will go without dinner."

A burst of complaints filled the air as Balian took his seat at the table, even wider smile on his lips, receiving a bowl of bouillon soup along with a slice of rye bread from Sofia. Her soon enough sitting on her own seat to join the rest of her family for breakfast while lectured Damien who was most loudmouthed to argue against. Balian smearing some butter onto the dried bread, feeling that moment that everything was fortunately back to their normal state again.

* * *

 _ **Disclaimer : I don't own Kingdom of Heaven, just my own characters and story line outside the events of the original movie script.**_


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